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 Today marks week 11. It's troublesome that I am so  far away from you still my dearest. Tell me, is it as difficult for you as it is for me? Do the days drag on like a cold winter night, longing for a companionship that will never happen? My dearest, it amazes me I have yet to lose my sanity being as far away from you as I am now. It's more than I can bear, and yet somehow I manage to function well enough to give off the vibe that I am alright here in this strange, barbaric, country.   

 Tomorrow will be the Lord's day of prayer and worship. Tomorrow will mark another day in this hellhole. I can only hope it will transgress as smoothly as today did. I constantly ask myself to stay out of trouble, remind myself to keep my head down and my lips tightly sealed less I dig myself into a hole I am always seemingly unable to drag myself out of. I have a bad habit of doing it it seems, putting myself into holes that is. Fortunately I have more distractions than I could care for here. Hopefully they will keep me out of mind and sight of others. Hopefully- hopefully it will be my ticket to a carefree ending here. After all there's only one place to go on toward from here- and that is Arizona. At least I pray to the Lord Almighty that it would be so. I rather not be sent home at all my dearest. I worked so hard to be here. I came in knowing little more than a rock would have knowledge and flourished into something so much more. For one cannot be more ignorant than a rock I pray so. And if one can be I never want to find out firsthand, for that would be a fate worse that death.

 At the current moment the sun is setting ever so slowly and quietly. This day has finally come to a sweet end. I suppose the reason I'm wrecked with loneliness is because of the fact you constantly remind me that we are so far apart from each other. That you long for me as much as I long for you. If only you hadn't told me that it drove you nearly insane with grief being apart from me, that you wanted to go away with me. Oh my dearest why do you choose now of all times to tell me this? Why is it that you couldn't have told me this four months ago? It pains me so to know that you are overcome with despair and long for the day I will be in your arms again. And yet- and yet I am filled with joy at the fact you have not forgotten me. That I am still constantly on your mind, that it is only me that you desire. Dearest know that I feel the same way. Know I long for you just as much if not more. Know that this heart belongs to you and only you.

I love you.

 I'll never forget the moment you first held my hand. How natural it felt for your hand to slip into mind without a thought. How we walked slowly back into the cafeteria. That single moment of hesitation was there when we reached that door and my hand retracted out of pure instinct. You looked at me, your eyes asking me if that was what  I wanted. It felt like that single moment lasted a lifetime. And without thinking my hand slipped back into yours and it was a done deal. Everyone's eyes went wide open as we stepped into full view and whispers started. I was  so nervous my dearest. My heart was going a million miles an hour. I felt like I was in a wonderland. Dearest do you remember this day as much as I do?

 All the days we spent together- all those moments lying next to you, secrets, dreams, and fears shared. So many stolen kisses and passion filled nights. All the hard moments in life where grief overwhlemed us and fights errupted. All of it seemed to pass by in a blur didn't it? Dearest today- today  is Feburary 14, 2011. Happy three years dearest. I'm sorry I'm not with you. I'm sorry that today I am so far away from you in this strange country. Know that all of my thoughts are with you. That my heart is still in California.

 Because there is no where else I'd rather be right now than by your side, not even Arizona. After all today  is our day and no one can take it from us. Not even the miles that separate us can ruin today for me. For I am yours and yours alone. Heart, body, and soul. You are my love of a lifetime.

 Ah- what I would give to be with you this very instant! Name the price and it would be done...foolish as I am for saying that, I know it will never happen.

 I talked to you again today. My heart leaps with joy at the sound of your voice and yet at the same time it breaks in two because you are so far away, Darling dearest I miss you terribly, it pains me so much that I could not spend our special day together. How will I ever make it up to you? It only happens once my love. I'll never get that day back. That day that marked our third year together. I swear that it won't happen again if I have the power to be with you then I will. But at the moment I am as helpless as a newborn child. My heart is with you my love. To me only you matter. Know that I thought of you when I looked up at the sky tonight. Know that all my thoughts are of you. Know that I love you. That tonight there was a fulll moon on a clear brisk night with hundreds of stars. And it was your name I whispered with a kiss.