Dearest, does it bother you how far apart we are?
Does it tear you apart with anguish as it does for me? Seeing you with my own eyes- it was almost too much for me to bear the first time. I try so hard to act like everything is the same, like you're not incredibly far away from me, like I could just reach out and touch your arm to show you something that caught my eye.
It's so hard to pretend when all of my memories are fading away slowly. I'm grasping to remember what the brush on your arms feels like next to mine, what your lips feel like lightly pressed up against mine, teasing me with a smile. How warm your body is when your arms wrap around me and pull me in closer. I wish you were here to remind me, I'm on the verge of tears struggling to remember what it feels like to have you by my side. To always be subconsciously aware of where you are in a room at all times. To look across and meet eyes with you.
How could I take all of those things for granted my love? If I knew the pain it would cause me to be away from you I would have made it a point to remember every sensation possible. All the way up to even tracing your lips lightly with my fingertips just to remember how sweet they are, how much I adored kissing you and only you.
No one else can really take your place in my heart, it's insane but- you know me in a way no one else can, appreciate me to the fullest extent and love me despite all of my flaws. When you look at me and tell me you miss me so much I try to act offhand like it doesn't affect me, like it doesn't tear me apart everytime I hear it. How could I leave you alone? How could I go off on this grand adventure without the one person that matters most in this world?
Because lets face it, at the end of the day I go to my room and lay in a empty bed with no arms to welcome me, because when I reach out for you you're not there.
And I don't know why.
And I find myself crying at times.
It just isn't the same without you. It's like something is missing essential to live, to breathe.
Forgive me for leaving you, forgive me for being so far away. Forgive me for loving you so much. Forgive me for not being able to recall my life before you. We may have not been each other's first kiss or anything else that was a big deal but to me it never mattered, to me you are my last everything, a lifetime of forever.
Believe me when I say no one else could compare. The distance is too great, from here to the sun and back my love.
