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Beautiful Things

I lost something important to me today.

It felt like it was being ripped from my hands. Like no amount of struggling could keep it from being stolen from me. But in reality I don't even know if it was really mine to begin with. And I keep staring at my feet and wondering where I went wrong. 

I don't know if I should be upset.

If I should yell.

Cry.

Curse. 

Laugh.

Shrug indifferently. 

Cry some more.

Try and take action.

Do nothing.

Cry some more.

Tell someone.

Tell no one.

Keep it inside.

Let it all out. 

I feel as if I'm watching this terrible movie where this beautiful girl keeps struggling to smile. And she acts so beautifuly. She can say all the right words, make all the right moves. But when it came time for that genuine smile her face cracks a bit and it looks like she might fall apart. Her smiles were reserved for only one. 

And now that this one person has walked out of her life to never been seen again-

Well I don't know.

Everything is too late. I should have told them. I should have told them so much sooner than I did. And now everything is too late. I have to live with that for the rest of my life.

With that and this beautiful diamond bow ring on my lap.

I feel as if I can't breathe.  I'm filled with so much regret I don't know what to do.