You know that- right? That singular passion you saw, that sweet adoration, that innocent love, that pure longing for their soul mate... it will never be yours.
It's like adopting a stray dog that years and abuse has taken it's toll on and expecting it to act like a sweet newborn pup.
They'll flinch away from you if you raise your hand. They are skittish and untrusting of all humans. They might be blind and bite at you in self defense even if you meant no harm to them. Do you remember Monkey biting you? You and I both know that you just wanted her to move over so I could drive- that she would be safer in your arms than roaming the car freely.
She's scared of everything. She bites at anything- she doesn't trust. She hesitates with every step- unsure of where is safe to walk. She's blind as hell.
But even after knowing me for years she loves me. She knows my voice, my touch, my smell. I am her owner. She knows that I would never try and harm her.
She goes into seizures sometimes. I always scoop her up into my arms right away and coo soft loving words into her ears. I stroke her fur- mumble how much I love her and how wonderful she is.
Even with moments like that I feel like I fail her still when I try to reach out to her and she yelps in pain as if I have struck her. It breaks my heart when it happens because I feel so rejected. But afterward she curls up next to me as if all is forgiven. We fall asleep and all is right with the world again.
One day it will be like that for us. You probably think it's silly comparing my persona with my pet. But other than my mother I relate to her best. She was rescued from an abusive owner- we gave her more love than what she knew what to do with. And slowly day by day I got to watch her open up into the beautiful dog she is now.
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