Before I make a Mistake

I have a daughter. Her name is Coraline. Do you know how many months went into thinking about her name? About five. For five months after I found out she was a girl and not a boy (like I wanted) I debated endlessly. 

And after I met her I realized the name suits her perfectly. She's just as adventurous and easily bored. Although on my end I admit naming your child after a mistype in a book might be on par with naming your child Blanket or Apple. Not as bad- but still pretty terrible. Everyone mispronounces her name and I feel awful for it. I wonder how she will feel about it in the future. Only time will tell. 

I know I can do better with her. I know I can be a better parent. More understanding. Spend more quality time with her.Teach her things and encourage that natural curiosity of hers. I don't though. Being pregnant alone was exhausting. I spent a majority of the nights on Google typing "Single and Pregnant" or "Pregnant and alone" only to find that everyone suggested to surround yourself by friends and family. And I had none. I was literally alone. As in there was no one.

The exhaustion of pregnancy gave way to the exhaustion of being a new and still single mom. That in itself was horrible. I dislike both pregnancy and babies immensely. 

And now that I have this new toddler I am looking at her warily wondering where we go from here. 

Everyone talks about how wonderful it all is. How life changing.

I agree on only the second part so far. 

Now excuse me while I clean up all the clutter on the floor for the millionth time.