Women, and other terrible inventions

I have made many good friends this deployment. Unfortunately some of these friends have insane wives who don't trust them for shit and think every single woman wants them. Now I don't know what he did to deserve it and honestly it isn't any of my business. But what is my business is when they randomly decide to attack me online for no reason (I mean seriously? Not every woman wants your husband, some of us actually have good taste). I didn't troll her but man I was dying to. Names and occupations have been changed to protect his poor soul.

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2:15

St

LOOK AT C

SHE TAGGED ME IN HER PICTURES AND SHE IS LOOKING GORGEOUS!!!!!!

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2:17pm

D

you know my husband is married right are you seriously trying to get your fucking ass beat!!!!!

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2:20pm

S

C is our friend? What's wrong with liking our friend? C has her man.

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2:21pm

D

i don't give a fuck dumb hoe don't be telling a married man to go check out other people

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2:22pm

S

Wow, is language really necessary? I won't say anything anymore. I apologize.

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2:22pm

D

just because you have multiple people that u use to get what you want don't mean my husband should

If you had some respect for yourself I would talk to you right...

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2:26pm

S

I have no interest in fighting online with a person I don't know. I already apologized. If you want just delete me from your husband's friend's list. There is no need for dramatics.

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2:49pm

D

He's a grown man he can do what he wants. Just get it into your little bean of a brain that he's married & if you continue to say stuff like that to him...or be all flirtatious with him trust me I'll make your life miserable.

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I'm easily frightened these days. I find myself sleeping more and more uneasily the closer I become. I jump at every loud crack and bang.

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Some days I can't bear being alone with only myself as company. I beg those around me not to leave. I don't say why I need the company. Isn't it obvious?

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I'm plagued by these nightmares. I can't share them. I can't.

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How could I? You wouldn't understand. You weren't there. You weren't there.

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But the few that were there...they want revenge. They want death.

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Oh! If only it was that simple for me! If only I desired death for them! If only I desired a cruel end for them! If only revenge would make it right for me. If only evening out the playing field was that simple on my end.

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Instead I grip my head with both my hands and weep. And I cry out how sorry I am. And we can't go back to before. We can't return.

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I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. The pain in my heart is unbearable. I feel like I'm dying.