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I'm easily frightened these days. I find myself sleeping more and more uneasily the closer I become. I jump at every loud crack and bang.

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Some days I can't bear being alone with only myself as company. I beg those around me not to leave. I don't say why I need the company. Isn't it obvious?

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I'm plagued by these nightmares. I can't share them. I can't.

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How could I? You wouldn't understand. You weren't there. You weren't there.

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But the few that were there...they want revenge. They want death.

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Oh! If only it was that simple for me! If only I desired death for them! If only I desired a cruel end for them! If only revenge would make it right for me. If only evening out the playing field was that simple on my end.

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Instead I grip my head with both my hands and weep. And I cry out how sorry I am. And we can't go back to before. We can't return.

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I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. The pain in my heart is unbearable. I feel like I'm dying.