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Something old from me to my sister back in April 2012:

Man, I have done things even people deployed over here would be jealous of.

I have heard the sound of bullets whizzing past my head as I ducked for cover.

I have watched rockets fly over my head and land not too far off as the earth explodes from impact.

I have slept in the southern deserts of afghanistan in the cold with the sky covered in a million stars as my cover in full kit and in fear of being attacked at night.

I have talked to people I would have never dreamed in a million years I would meet.

But most awesome of all- the lizards in the desert I mentioned earlier? They will crawl all over you. AND they drank water out my my hand. SUPER CUTE.

I have not been on the internet in days. I am sorry for this but whenever someone dies we go into a internet 'blackout' so that the army can inform the family that someone has died before everyone starts posting it on FB like idiots.

I am well, a little sore right now but well. I hope you mail me things soon because it takes 2-4 weeks for a package to get here and 4+ weeks for a letter to get here.

I already got my first award badge thingy for being in combat, pretty legit yo.

________

I knew it was happening. Your hair was so brittle. I remember reaching out and touching it. I remember looking at it- frowning. "MOM your hair is so BAD!"

I knew it but I didn't understand it. Not my mom. Not my small family I swore to protect. NEVER.

I remember looking at dyes with Erika- we picked a nice one. I don't think you ever actually dyed it though.

I remember arriving. I remember coming upstairs and laying next to you on the bed telling you how stupid I thought you were but I was too tired from driving all night to be properly mad at you. I cuddled up next to you.

You know I loved you more than any one else didn't you? Who else would I drive that distance for? Who else would I drop everything for? Only you mama. Only you.

I'm so mad at you for leaving me all alone. I cant stop crying. You should have stayed or taken me with me you. I hate you so much.