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Something old I wrote that I'd thought I'd share:

To my shining star,

You know I love you, don't you? But let me be honest with you, I loved someone before you. I loved them when he and I were just friends. The love I had for them was pure and innocent, I loved them as a person, not as a lover. But soon they confessed their feelings for me, and we kept saying, "I love you" through our relationship. My love for them never changed once into something more in the relationship. I never  loved them as more than a friend. Because of that the relationship ended. I couldn't bear to tell them the truth, that I had just woke up one day and all my feelings were gone. What kind of person would he make me out to be? A liar? Some might say I never loved him at all in the first place. In my heart I know I did, and loving him was hard because I could not be all the things he wanted me to be, I had to many short-comings.

My shining star, do you think I really loved him? Why is it then that I woke up one day, and felt nothing at all for him? I'm so scared, what if the same thing happens to us? I don't want to stop loving you. I don't want you to stop loving me. I'll never forget your promises. They're in my heart for me to always remember and cherish. You will always love me, you will always be there for me.

I know you are very serious about me my little shining star, but you are also very young.

9/07-08

Looking back on this there are three major things that stand out in my mind:


1. I did love the boy I was with before.

I loved him, He made me happy for the year we were together, but at the same time I never felt any giant sparks at all. I never got butterflies when we first started going out, never looked at him and felt lucky to be with the guy. Never told him that he meant a lot to me, that I was so glad we were dating.

Everything was so platonic...perhaps because I never loved him for a boyfriend and we had so many arguments about petty things.

2. Just because it didn't work out with one person doesn't mean the same thing will happen with the next guy.

Self explanatory, yeah?

3. My priorities in a boyfriend have changed dramatically.

When I was little I wanted someone nice who didn't get angry and hit or yell at people, someone cute and smart and popular.

When I was a teenager I wanted someone hot who was smarter than me and loved video games as much as I did. I wanted a guy who was mature and knew what he wanted in life.

As a young adult now, I'm looking back at this and chuckling to myself. Right now all I want is a guy with a big heart who knows how to love and be loved, someone who wants to share their life with me and start a family.

Funny how our priorities change as we age.