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Such a beautiful lady she was, elegance and charm dripped from her persona like diamonds from a necklace plunging into a neckline. Yet she was terribly overcome by her own self and did not what to do. How could you defeat the monster when the very thing you're trying to fight against is yourself? The anguish was too much for her to bear, she wanted to run away as far as she could from this monster she created and yet everywhere she went to hide, she was there!

How childish she felt, how foolish!

And eventually she was no longer afraid. Numbed by the constant exposure she began to accept who she was and thrived on it.

And it was all so lovely. And everything was so beautiful. She was the belle of the ball.


"You're not a monster"

Everything seemed to be getting better. The whole world was a thousand shades brighter.

"You're not a monster, you're still you."

Everything was- everthing was...

"You're not a monster, you're still the beautiful girl I fell in love with two years ago."

She was, a monster.

"You've just screwed up is all."

She was, a liar.

"But I still love you."

She cannot face the truth. it eats her up from the inside out. She can't bear it anymore. Why can't she just be a cruel woman and let that be the end of it? Why can't she be heartless? Why can't she refuse to care?

Treat all men like kings, she was told. Give them only the best. She was every man's lover, every man's shoulder to lean on, to adore and be adored. it was all so refined and civil, nothing indecent was done. She was every man's dream. She became what every man longed for. A best friend to fall in love with.

And deep down inside she hid who she really was. That silly girl who read too many books and talked to fast. The one who would argue for hours about the infamous 'word game', the one who loved reptiles and played games for too many hours.

~~~

And for some funny reason I can't stop.

And I don't know where it all started.

And I don't know how I corrupted myself so much.

And I don't know how to stop acting.

The mask won't come off.