________

So miss mango how did you end up the way you are?

Miss mango, that must have been one hell of a guy. I'd hate to be the guy who hurt you so badly that you ended up this way.

Do you just get a kick out of this? Are you that twisted?

~~~~

Love me. Love me. Love me.

Why don't you love me?

Nothing I do makes you happy.

Nothing I say makes you happy.

Why do you call me so many terrible things? Why do you hurt me so much? My heart is breaking, it's in a million pieces. I should hate you. I should despise you. Everyone tells me to. But I can't, I love you too much. My heart hurts, I feel as if I'm dying slowly. I try so hard to make you happy, to please you.

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"So Stephanie, who hurt you?"

"No one did."

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So, who is this person I try to please?

The very same person who can pull me by my hair and drag me across the family room of course.

Who is the person I cannot hate no matter how hard I try?

The same person who breaks all the beautiful things in the house of course.

I grew up a people pleaser, I wanted people to be happy. I wanted people to be proud of me. But sometimes little things make some people terribly angry.

Whether it's clothes on the floor or dishes left undone. Nothing is good enough for this person. I was such a good girl, I never did anything worse than forgetting to pick up my clothes my the bathroom. I was never rebellious, always kept my legs closed like a lady. Cussing scared me and a raised hand would make me flinch. What a timid creature I was, so frail and frightened.

What a good girl I was.

"You worthless piece of shit. You never do anything!"

I am a good girl.

"Little bitch, fake crying again, you like to do this to me don't you?"

I am a good girl.

"You're worthless."

Worthless?

"You're so lazy! Listen to me when I'm fucking talking to you! Look at me. Get closer now."

It hurts. It hurts so much. I can feel the pain in my heart and on my flesh.

Happy birthday daddy...I got you this card. I love you....

Happy fathers day....I love you....

Why won't you look at me? I remembered, I got you this gift. Why are you so stiff when I hug you? I am happy you're my daddy. Some people don't even have them...

Don't ignore me. Don't ignore me. DON'T IGNORE ME!

Am I here? Am I still alive? Everyone is walking by me, I swear I just turned invisible. I only exist when you're angry. When you want someone to blame for something.

All the beautiful people in this house. All the bottles hidden away. All empty. I wonder who drank them all....

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Have you ever loved someone so much it hurt? To be ignored by them, that is a pain I cannot bear. To be abused by them, at such a young age all the way into adulthood and taking it without question. It's something I would never let happen to a child. I hate to think it happens everyday in silence. And I was one of the millions of voices who would cry in silence.

It's so silly, how warped your mind becomes because of mistreatment.

I swear I would never hurt a child and fear my own temper.

I fear it more than anything I try so hard to never be angry.

I wanted so badly to be loved.

~~~~

So miss temptress of men.

Tell me.

Do you go to every man and boy asking to be loved?

Asking to be wanted?

Asking for their attention?

Their wanting?

You throw them all away after you get that familiar feeling of acceptance.

It's like someone once said, "You go out and do whatever it is that you do and everything is right in the world and you feel happy. Then after awhile the feeling goes away and you have to do it all over again."