Thinking I could chase love. That I could have everything still.
I crawled out of hell for you. I told myself no more crazy bouts of madness or depression. No more mood swings or tirades of tantrums. I changed for you. I was never capable of doing anything for my own well being.
Pathetic.
That's how I feel right now.
To think I could finally stop running away from you and into your arms. To think you would love me like you did then. That you too still thought about me constantly of what I was doing and how I was.
I'm so fucking stupid. I don't deserve anything good.
My mood just keeps getting worse. How do I change roles from the girl you could never get to the one who is anxious to change for you and doesn't know what to do any more. I feel as if I disgust you. As if you are finally realizing you don't really want me after all and just don't know how to tell me.
HA- dreams don't come true. People don't change.
I will never find that happiness. Never.
I lost you the moment I walked away the first time.
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